Those moments of self-doubt.

Having this stupid moment of self-doubt.

There’s something I do that bothers me.

So I’ve heard from several people that I can appear quite intimidating, especially in a classroom setting I can be very stoic and “in the zone.” So I took that to heart because I never wanted people to think of me that way.  I don’t ever want people to feel afraid to approach me or talk to me.

And then I’ve learned recently to do things the opposite way…

When I feel inferior to people or uncomfortable around somebody, my initial reaction is to dumb myself down.  This way, people can feel comfortable around me–free to be themselves and laugh along for the ride.

As a result, people don’t take me seriously and I know they don’t mean to, but they treat me like I’m an absent-minded, foolish, silly girl (which I am!) But that’s only one side of me.  Then people won’t actually hear me out and listen to me when I feel like I have something important to say.  I like to have fun, yes, and I like to play around so that whoever I’m speaking with will feel at ease with me, but there’s quite a bit of knowledge and wisdom sitting this brain too (Sorry for sounding like a narcissistic prick).

I don’t like talking about those things I’ve done.  And I know I should stop talking like an idiot and actually construct sentences without simple words such as “like” “awesome” and “cool” because that’s my fault that people then see me as an idiot.   But I don’t like doing it because it makes me feel..well…like a narcissistic prick! haha.

Okay, I don’t know where I’m getting at but I just needed to rant.  Because after I feel like someone is seeing me as a fool and not taking me seriously, then I feel like I have to prove them wrong again.

Swinging like a pendulum…


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