Ten things you’d say to ten different people right now.

1. I want to be your friend. I see you from afar…and sometimes I ignore you because well, I kinda like you…like a stupid 13-year-old crush.  But I’m painfully shy (although I may not seem it).  And I just don’t know how to approach you or talk to you.  You’re kind, mature(spiritually and mentally), soft-spoken though friendly, and also very intelligent.

2. I’m afraid we’re drifting apart.  We’re two different people and I have dreams sometimes of us disagreeing or arguing. I wake up sad thinking about it.  I know we’ll always love each other for our differences and for everything. But I’m afraid that our life paths are not aligning and they may just stray so far each other that we won’t see eye-to-eye on too many things as we grow and develop…

3. There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but you are young and quite frankly a bit ignorant. You grew up in a certain environment and therefore, it’s hard for you to understand concepts and people outside of that bubble. I want to tell you, but I don’t want it to seem I push opinions on you. But I wish you could see more than that square you look inside.  I don’t know how to talk to people who have just 1 dimensional perspectives, except to provide my insight and hope that they understand.

4.  I’m so thankful that our past is our past.  Every time I think about how we treated each other and misunderstood each other from day to day, my heart sinks deep into my stomach.  But I shouldn’t think of all those altercations and that oh-so tangible tension that not just existed but lived between us because although we never had love and care for each other, we understand our own faults. I’m glad we recently were able to start having an actual relationship even if has only been a few months. I love you so much for your strength and wisdom.  It’s amazing how we both were able to change and admit our faults.  It’s only the start of a truly blossoming relationship.  I’m also so thankful to God that you started going to church on your own.  He has truly changed you and I can see that!  It is so awe-inspiring.

5. Sometimes, I wish I never met you.  Before I met you years years years ago, my life was just absolute bliss.  I was a remarkable student, athlete, and musician in school.  Always the top of my class.  I guess you could say I had it all, I was very intelligent and popular in school–kind to everybody.  When you came along, you changed everything about me.  Questioned everything about me and from then on I decided to follow your rebellious ways. And that’s when I screwed up my life and still am trying to patch the deep wounds.  Yet, at the same time, I don’t hate you. and I never will. I’ve always loved and cared for you through all the roughest of times.  You made me a stronger person and because of you, I would never be the person I am now.  I wish I still had your contact number, but I don’t know where you are or what you do.  I wish we could meet up again. Even though it may have been almost a decade since our friendship, I still think about you pretty often.

I’ll think of the other five tomorrow 🙂

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