Day-1 Relationships

Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

I went to church this morning and was enlightened by a great sermon and just the emotional vibe of being in church.  For a while, I’ve lost touch with my religion for a while and today resurged my spiritual thirst for a stronger relationship with God.  I realized that I can’t be in a relationship at this point in my life.  I need to reprioritze my life right now and the only way I can do that is through focusing on religion rather than investing my time in a boyfriend.

But it would be nice to have someone there… I don’t want a serious one at this point.  I don’t think I’m ready for that.  There’s a lot of things I still have to figure out about myself that requires my own independence and self-discovery.  The last thing I want is for me to turn to a man and expect him to fulfill me. BUT, I do want somebody there.  As I float through life, I want someone who will care for me and appreciate me.  I was explaining this to my friend earlier–about how I am a floater between different social groups, activities and extracurriculars, even different countries.  I’m just floating around, but I want a constant…someone who is my anchor and my stronghold through all of this.  I don’t think I expect too much.  I just want someone at the end of a long scheduled day to ask me “So how was your day?'”

It’s important to have experience and stay open.  I don’t have an ideal set of characteristics of “what would make the perfect boyfriend.”  It’s not to say I don’t have standards though!  I used to have this ideal in my head that the man I date/marry needs to be manly, in control, Korean, taller than me, kinda tan, be outgoing, take me out on extravagant dates (Korean drama style) etc. My first boyfriend was this very way and it went really well for a while, but I learned that by dating my so-called “ideal boyfriend” I was proven wrong.  What I thought was perfect turned out not to be at all and had I not tried the relationship out, I would never have known.  By opening myself up to many kinds of people, I learn both what I need in a relationship and what I don’t like.

Everyone is different and has something to offer.  You can’t look at a set check-list of characteristics.  I’ve learned it’s important to fully understand a person (their interests, passions, family life, past traumatic or best experiences) because you learn why they are they way they are.  You accept them better and you don’t get angry for little things that might frustrate you in a relationship.  For example,  I remember in one of my past relationships, the guy I was seeing was pretty inexpressive  in comparison to the one before, who was very outgoing and very expressive of his emotions towards me.  I would be a little frustrated at first, thinking to myself, “Wow either this guy is just emotionless or he just doesn’t know how to make a girl feel wanted.”  It turns out, that this guy was just very shy and was just afraid to open up to me.  I subconsciously expected this guy to be the same way as the past one.  But after accepting the fact that he is a shy person, I didn’t expect him to say certain things or do certain things.  I learned to see him more through his little quiet actions than his words that he really did like me.   A lot of girls expect a guy to fully accept them and their flaws, but if you don’t do that in return, what makes you think they want to do the same for you? People shine in their own ways.

I’ve learned a lot about people and have changed after each of my relationships.  When I was in Spain last year (wow it’s been that long?!) I started seeing a Spanish guy there for a while.  Obviously, this was very different from reserved Asians.   This guy though was just an open book about everything that he felt about me and life, his guilt, mistakes, his regrets, what he was thinking, and it enabled me to trust him and be comfortable around him.  Although it was short and sweet, I truly learned the importance of being open and honest in any sort of relationship.

So I don’t particularly have a type.  If I look back at my past relationships, the guys I’ve dated are all very very different in personality, looks, backgrounds, etc.  As long as there’s a high standard of morals, honesty, a sincere heart, open-mind—and in general if I just sense a good overall intuitive feel about someone then hey, why not?

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