Double the Trouble

I don’t understand how I am two polar opposite personalities in one body:


On the one hand, I act this way.

On the other, I act another.

On the one hand, I say one thing.

On the other hand, I don’t mean to say it at all.

On the one hand, I’m not afraid to approach people and get to know them.

On the other, I don’t think anyone knows me at all (except for a very select few)

On the one hand, I act like a big kid-loud, boisterous, obnoxious, and just plain empty-headed.

On the other, I feel like an old-soul trapped in this 20 year old body-my head goes into my own cuckoo world of my own theories, stories, blasts from the pasts.

On the one hand, I act like I don’t care.

On the other, I truly and deeply do to the point where it will consume me.

On the one hand, I’m very independent, self-sufficient. I do things on my own on a daily basis, keep many things to myself, deal with issues without talking about it with others. I’ve been holding on my own all my life. I like being alone.

On the other hand, I need somebody.

On the one hand, I act on impulsive and without second-thought of my consequences.

On the other hand, I put my 130% of my heart and soul into thoughtful decisions made.

On the one hand, I want to be rational and practical.

On the other hand, I was born as a free-spirit, who loves life and is only looking to find contentment out of life and a peace of mind.



Could this be those turbulent growth stages working at its best…(or should I say worst?) I always hear older people say “Oh the twenties…” Is this what they’re referring to? So much frustration, constant highs and lows, tugs and pulls at my heart, fights with my mind…

Or am I just abso-freaking-lutely crazy and out-of-my-mind?

I know many people are just going through this weird transitional phase.  At first, I was endorsing how we should accept it and have fun with it.  Now, I’m exhausted and it’s gotten the worst of me.



2 thoughts on “Double the Trouble

  1. Indeed it is the quarter life crisis haha.
    Thanks for the support!
    I think it’s been hitting me especially since I only have a year and a half left of school. Reality is sinking in and it’s pretty terrifying. Oh life…

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