Finally, after a whole entire month of traveling, I am settling back into my life in Barcelona. I hate that I haven´t posted a single thing about my adventures from March. My weekend travels in chronological order: Paris, Rome, Mallorca, and then Spring Break in Granada, Sevilla, Vienna, Berlin! A month of travels in addition to days of cramming for finals have just worn me out. But I´m now enjoying my life in Barcelona. And you know what´s great? It’s the feeling when I come back from a weekend trip that I am coming home. That is comforting and feels good.
The weather is finally starting to turn around. After months of cold, gray, rainy days, the sun has finally come out of its dormancy! Barcelona is a different city on a sunny day. It´s not only a gorgeous city, but there is something about the gente-more alive, enthusiastic, jovial, excited. The positive air is contagious; I find myself with a stupid grin on my face for no reason. But I don’t care, I like it. 🙂
Now that the stupid foot cast is off & the weather is fantastic, I can now start my life in Barcelona. Really, I’m going to be honest, I have not been having the time of my life. It’s strange because I am NOT the type of person to get homesick. I may miss my best friends from home but that’s probably the most I’ll ever get homesick. Other than that, I have traveled since I was young so I have always done well with being apart from home.
But somehow in Barcelona, I have been having a much more difficult time adjusting here. A great majority of it being because of my dam foot, concern of family issues, and self-induced stress that stems from this:
The reason why I titled my blog ‘Just a Beautiful Mess’ is because I am honestly one hell of a confused person. I am completely lost with my goals, future, priorities, and even just myself as a person…While abroad, I know I am going to be faced with so many situations and challenges and this of course can be intimidating. But I am more excited than scared because these challenges will give me a chance to see the way I go about solving problems, and in turn, help me learn about myself. “
This came from my very first entry before I came abroad. I knew before coming here that I was a very unhappy person. I was just plain dissatisfied with myself, who I was, and just what the heck I was doing with my life. So my main focus coming here was to figure myself out, figure out why I was always depressed, and so on. But I realized while being here that I drove myself insane thinking about all of this. I overanalyzed myself on every level while here because I was anxious for answers of my unanswered questions. And when I say overanalyze, I really mean it. I am the type of person who can sit on a park bench and sit for an hour just thinking about anything and everything without even realizing that an hour passed.
“What kind of person am I? Well, since I acted this way, I guess this is the way I am…But why did I act that way?” etc. etc. I drive myself crazy.
But yes, I have been drowned in my thoughts that it has been quite harmful to me. So instead of trying to question and search for these answers I’m going to let fate take it’s path.
Sooner or later, everything will come together. I already feel changed and I can’t pinpoint what it is. I know that I changed though, and hopefully it is quite noticeable for folks back home to see.
Going to put my problems aside, rest my mind, relax, explore, explore, and explore! =)