Mommy

Mom really is always right. She knows what’s right and during times where my mind is muddled with an endless stream of “What-ifs?” and indecisiveness, my mom clears away the blurs and brings light to the clearer picture. She puts me back on the road, while I wander around like a lost child.

We have a long history of fighting, screaming, and even hatred. I can’t say that it’s entirely anyone’s fault-both of us butt heads and refused to give in even just a little bit. But I will say that I was a dumb high-schooler who did sadistically find fun in being rebellious and “cool.” So a large majority of it was my own fault.

Things have patched up between us by a mile-stone. Since this past summer in Korea, I’ve learned so much about her and her past from my aunt (her younger sister) and I’ve learned to appreciate her and see her coldness in a different light. I started to reach out to her and ever since then, we’ve developed a much better relationship from not having one at all in the first place.

My mom is a wise woman, although she appears detached, uncompassionate, and cold, she shows her love in unusual and atypical ways-in ways most people would find scornful. She’s been an insurmountable amount of dealings in her life so she’s become the way she is because of her past. I respect her so much for staying such a strong-minded and good person through all of that.

And right now, she is probably going through one of the most difficult times of her life. Her mother, or my grandmother in Korea is going to pass away after years of suffering from brain damage. I mean, we all knew death was coming near, but I think it’s more difficult for my mom to accept this fact, especially since she has been continents apart from her for years. I can’t imagine not having seen my mom for that long and then finding out that she’s passing away soon. The thought of it depresses me. Unfortunately, I can’t be there for her and wish I could fly home to be there to comfort her, but I know there’s nothing I could do right now.

I love her and miss her so much.
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